An excerpt from my memoir, pages
182 and 183
The sun
is setting now, casting a red celestial curtain across the forested horizon before me. Life moves
on. Creation’s counsel is dramatic but subtle. Silence alone inspires. And again I
ask, where does this “normal” lead?
My
story shows the way– through just as many paths as there are people with chemical dependency
problems. All paths, however, will run parallel. Some will finally meld into one–
“The Path,” the one which follows the basic principles of recovery.
Take care, I must,
for the path is not through some kind of monastic solipsism. Isolation is the bane of
recovery, dangerous turf for many. The way is through the comradery of one
alcoholic or drug addict with another– connections that work but are hard to explain, but
I try. My experience, and that of the millions throughout the world who have found
the miracle of recovery, supports that belief, that process. First, beware– for
the enemies of recovery are legion:
ENABLERS:
“Keep your friends close,” goes a popular saying, “and your enemies even closer.” Wise
advice, but distorted when it comes to “enablers.” They are people, usually relatives or
close friends, who “enable” alcohol or other drug abuse to continue unchallenged.
They do so unwittingly, just thinking of themselves as friends. So the
friends-and-enemies formula reverses. Enabling friends can become enemies by endorsing
victimology and thus prolong dysfunctional behavior, especially chemical
dependency.
PEER
PRESSURE: Friends should not let friends get hooked, but they do. And the abuser is driven by a
need to be accepted, to fit in, to be one of the group. A deadly symbiosis sets in.
CULTURE:
Contemporary music, media, and mores can all effectively endorse addictive behavior. The
classic motion picture Casablanca, forever a favorite of mine, always comes to mind
when I think about this.
The
suave “Rick,” Humphrey Bogart’s award-winning character, is never without a cigarette... or a
drink. As time goes by, the lithe and lovely Ingrid Bergman as Ilsa comes on the scene and
is ever around (until her plane comes in, anyway)... enabling. The message I got was
that smoking and drinking were “cool,” so if I wanted to be too, I should do both. I did.
The
need to be accepted, and with a ticket to the party, eerily but accurately
echoes something my mother told
me over and over: “Never go along with the crowd just to make others think highly
of you or without thinking it through.” I had forgotten that at the worst possible
time in my life.
For
these and other reasons, my experience– and those of many others– I believe must be heard.
Otherwise, those stories are like blades of grass in a great field, or barely perceptible
ripples on the face of an endless sea. They must be told before the constant winds carry them
away. We who’ve walked the walk share our experiences, our strengths, our
failings, and our hopes for the future with those who will be helped by them... and those who want to be.
(An excerpt from WAR BABY, a memoir, pages 182 and 183. See reviews and
buy the book on Amazon here: http://goo.gl/OrFRUc
)
