Troglodytes and angels

In my high school years, I and some of my friends were interested in broadcasting as a career. Those were the days when rock-and-roll ruled – Elvis topped the charts, Rickie Nelson wowed the girls, the Everly Brothers pioneered the space between rhythm-and-blues and classic country-and-western.

And then there was the simply unclassifiable – stuff that particularly appealed to the  male teenaged mind. Pieces like a little ditty by one “Napoleon XIV”. Seems his lost love drove him over the edge…so he sang – or chanted, really – to a relentless ba-doom, ba-doom, ba-doom beat…

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa.
They're coming to take me away, ho ho…
To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time….

Ba-doom…ba-doom…ba-doom…

This hit by Jerry Samuels in 1966 from Warner Brothers Records made it all the way to the top ten for several weeks.

Radio was what several of us high-school mates wanted to do …specifically spinning the “top-ten” of the day.

Trouble was, life caught up with us. Each of us went off to college and the military, and ended up someplace else.

Except… one of us actually got a real job in radio. And he did it while a student at a local university. But it was not exactly like life with the Troglodytes. It was with a small-town Christian station.

And this was not some nice normal mainstream Christian station. It was a strident fire-and-brimstone, rural evangelical, steroid-stoked, holy-roller station.

And my friend’s first job was as the early-morning guy, the one who “ran the board,” as they say. His was the soul that stood between the woebegone world with its troglodytes, loons and blasphemers, and the pristine well-ironed and starched psyches of right-wing Christianity… and Pat Robertson was probably just barely out of law school then.

Six o’clock on Sunday mornings marked the start of D-Day every week for my friend. The station went on the air while mom and pop got their broods ready to go and once more be blessed, prayed-for, preached-at and who-knew what all else.

Meanwhile my man was ready at the switchboard. The local news and weather had been done. Next up was a stream of uplifting music. Then the switching started. All my friend had to do was a back-and-forth between the breaks in the music and the words of the pastor. The breaks had to be clean and without a second’s dead-time. Not one second.

The day came, though, when my friend came to work hung-over. He was a college student after all, and he was in a fraternity, too. And those kinds of Sundays happened, they did.

But his switching and clicking of buttons were flawless … almost, for he soon missed a fast break into the local pastor’s pitch for the day.

One … two … three … the seconds clicked off. The station went silent, a quiescence only broken by my friend’s frantic cry when he saw the mistake he had made.

“HOLY SH*T!” he said … and he realized his mike was live.

I expect you can imagine what happened next. He was out of there like a Saturn Five rocket had been hitched to his hind parts.

In our sometimes crazy youths, most of us bounce back quickly. My friend lost that job but that by no means was the end of the story.

He went on to another radio gig, followed by a successful tenure in television and a long and fruitful career in the public relations business.

And that – as Walter Cronkite always said – is the way it was.

Ba-doom … ba-doom … ba-doom …