In a broader sense
though, from what I read, hear, and see in the news these days, suffering is universal
– a sort of licensure of life itself. If you’re alive, you either do or soon
will experience some suffering.
I wondered why that is…and then thought it best to mount a
hasty retreat for fear of impinging on theological or philosophical territory –
no country for an old man, to borrow the title of Cormac McCarthy’s great novel.
A simpler, better answer seems to be what a child might say:
“just ‘cause.”
Or the executive-suite jargon that it seems will never die:
“it is what it is."
Thing is, though, many of us cannot abide suffering, either
ours or in others. And good and bad co-exist in that.
Perhaps the biggest bad is avoidance. We deny suffering. And
many – myself included – do so in many ways.
My most dramatic examples of avoidance and denial of suffering
involved an alcohol problem – something I have now been free of for more than
40 years, You may read my story here.
Some may use other drugs, engage in risky, even threatening,
or illegal behavior – all to the same effect: we seek to avoid and deny the
suffering -- our own and those who may
be affected. We arrive at that avoidance through denial – not a river in Egypt,
as a preacher I once knew was fond of saying.
But where it gets really spooky, some develop layers of strange
behavior that honestly can be called escapist.
I’m reminded of a “convention” I just read about. It was a
gathering of hundreds from across the fruited plain all sharing what looked
like a Batman and Robin fetish.
Fun, up to a point, but for some few these theatrics can be
escapism wrapped in denial and avoidance – avoidance of some underlying
suffering.
Any kind of fantasy – or fetish – pursued diligently long enough and so exclusionary as to interfere with life’s “normal” pursuits, could
be part of an escapist mechanism constructed subconsciously to deny the human
affinity for suffering.
So whether we like it or not, many suffer, and many try to
deny and avoid, but the “morning after” will always come.
That’s well-known to alcoholics. You feel like crap, and the
thing you were covering up or sought to escape from has grown into a closet
monster about to just flat get right in your not-so-hot-looking face.
And it does. So the cycle repeats. But fortunately the time
comes for many when we get rid of the monster.
Sure, some will try just one more time and maybe run away to
join the Flying Wallendas, or try to drag-race an unmarked state trooper.
Whatever. “We’re all here because we’re not all there,” they
say.
Still, we found that avoidance, denial, and “just ‘cause” no
longer worked. And – yes – there are spiritual implications in this.
That’s because reversals sometimes happen. And there’s that
stupid Closet Monster again. The temptation to avoid and deny will raise its
ugly head. That’s when our spiritual condition will be the sole answer.
We – and those who share my experience – have learned to
look the 800-pound gorilla in the face, pray, and tough it out. I’ve always felt
better afterwards. And things change.
An afterword:
“The more you try to
avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant
things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. The one
who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers most.”
-- Thomas Merton, the renowned Trappist monk, mystic, and
Catholic priest, in The Seven Storey
Mountain, his autobiography
